As a person, I consider myself intensely private, I don’t like the spotlight at all. But, since this particular incident happened to me, I’ve been battling some pretty heavy feelings and strong emotions that I wasn’t ready to talk about yet with folks.

A little over two weeks ago, after work I started feeling paim in my left calf. I assumed it was due to lack of water and movement during the day, work had been pretty intensr that day, etc: I got home drank some water, kissed Erica, played with Harrison, took some meds and hoped to feel better.

The next morning, the pain was less but still there, this was Wednesday morning. During my walk to the bus stop, it was difficult to breath, but I assumed it was because i was walking into the wind and it was so cold. Still feeling, not great, I made an appt with my PCP for Thursday afternoon.

Thursday cane with the same breathing issues and my trip to the doctor, ended up being not a visit but being told you need an Ultrasound in the ER. So, with my phone on 2%, and my charger at work, back to St. Peter’s I went.

Now, I work there. I had hoped I’d get in and get out, it was 2:45, I hadn’t eaten since like noon. I missed Erica and Harrison a bunch. Luckily, I found a spot near an wall outlet to charge my phone, and I waited and waited and waited. Called inuo Trisge multiple times to rehash the week, we do the ultrasound (bloodclots, boo), in talking to the PA on call, I mention about the shortness of breath, he goes you need a CAT Scan. (Double Boo!)

So more waiting and people watching. I found myself sitting alone when a woman came in with her family, the woman complained she couldnt breathe without oxygen and kept saying she was going to die. After a few minutes, the family made a collective Dunkin run as the woman said, ‘I’ll just talk to this nice man, here’ (me), I grinned and sat next to her.

After a few moments, of silence, I introduced myself and started to say ‘You’re not going to die’ when she grabbed my hand and she ‘I am terrified’, and we just sat for a few moments, holding hands as a comfort, saying little. I showed her a picture of Harrison, and her family arrived soon after. I wished her luck and she gave me a big ‘Mom’ hug and she was off.

Then it was my turn. The CT. Never had one before, so a little intimidating. ‘It’s gonna say’ don’t breathe’, ‘Don’t gasp!’ I lied there and let the machine work. Soon afterwards, we had the results.

‘So, the results found 4 PE’s in your lungs and chest, we need to admit you and put you on IV’.

‘No chance, of a pill and bed rest?’

‘Nope’

(Fuck)

After that I communicated with Erica about my new accommodations and was brought back to an ER Bay, where I was finally just alone. Talking to Erica helped, but mostly it was just me in a room, alone, hooked up to monitors and IV, couldn’t get comfortable and I was exhausted.

They finally transferred me to a room at 4 AM, at long last I could finally hopefully get some rest.

I had my first round of blood work, the techs couldn’t have been less interested in patient care, they called me John for Christ sakes, you just scanned my bracelet, at least have the common decency to say my name correctly. ‘Ooh girl, you drew that blood so good!’

(Please leave my presence before I develop Hulk strength and end you all).

Finally able to close my eyes….

‘Mr.Connery, sorry to wake you, we just wanted to let you know the clots were small so thats good news.’

Co-workers stopped by to check on me, even ensuring a new tray was built for me.

Later, Erica came to visit. It felt great to hug her, finally, something normal. She told me about Harrison and Pearl (our dog for you newcomers) and we sat. I kept saying ‘you dont have to stay’, she kept saying, ‘try and rest’, each time I did, seemingly, I or my roommate had bloodwork or something going on.

The evening briught more tests and bloodwork and finally, a CPAP so by 10:00 I could finally for the first time in two days, go to sleep, and stay asleep.

Saturday morning brought another ultrasound and more bloodwork, but I came home that afternoon. I’ve been faithfully taking my meds ever since and feeling pretty good.

I’ve been in a very reflective mood since this all happened. I am very very lucky. I have a wonderful family and awesome support system with whom, I wouldnt be here without, that includes all my coworkers, so thank you. And a huge thank to all the staff at St.Peter’s, you all were awesome.

I’ll write more soon. Hugs and love to you all.